An irresistible yearning changed the course of my life.
Brownies. A plate of moist, warm brownies sat on the kitchen counter of our new home, and I was drawn to them like bees to soda. This was no run-of-the-mill craving. There was only one reason I refrained, well, two: My parents were there, and I hated to embarrass myself. I watched from the front door as they left for home, then I made tracks to the kitchen.
Little did I know that as I devoured the mound of brownies, I was a mom.
How I wish I could tell you that I was filled with joy when the home pregnancy test confirmed the reason for my bouts of nausea. I was confused. I was scared. I was alone. My husband was in basic training nine hours from home for the next three months, not that it made a difference. I felt alone even when he was home.
My plans for life did not include having children. I believed I would not be a good mom. I was deeply ashamed of my past. And my marriage teetered on a fault-line of seismic dysfunction.
Why did God to allow me to become a mom? Why did He ignore my precautions and my circumstances?
Why do I share this part of my life with you?
Because I know what it’s like to be a mom in the hard – seemingly impossible – places of life. I also know how God used my unexpected pregnancy to turn my feet onto a path I was determined to avoid. Maybe your story sounds much like mine.
I recently read a passage of Scripture, which resurrected this story from my past. Hagar was an expectant mom who faced impossible living conditions. You can read her backstory in Genesis 16. It was verse 13 that caught my attention:
“Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, — ‘Have I also here seen Him who sees me?’”
From where I sit while writing this post, I see photos spanning over 30 years since the day God changed my life’s course. I see images of my sons from boyhood to grown men. I see our daughter-in-love and amazing granddaughter. I see smiles. I see a life I never imagined and would have surely missed had it not been for the God Who Sees. I am grateful that He helped me trust Him with what only He could see so long ago.
I receive lots of compliments on the photo collage displayed on my living room wall so far as home décor is concerned. But it is much more than home décor. In the middle of all those photos is the word Family. It is both a testimony and a reminder of the God Who Sees seeing and meeting me.
Hagar was right, you know.
God does see. He sees all.
He saw me.
He sees you.
Your now is not all there is.
God knows what lies ahead. He assuredly has a purpose for you that reaches far beyond what you can possibly see. I am a living testimony to that fact!
Trust in His perfect vision and see what God will do.
in the Quiver