An irresistible yearning changed the course of my life.
Brownies. A plate of moist, warm brownies sat on the kitchen counter of our new home, and I was drawn to them like bees to soda. This was no run-of-the-mill craving. There was only one reason I refrained, well, two: My parents were there, and I hated to embarrass myself. I watched from the front door as they left for home, then I made tracks to the kitchen.
Little did I know that as I devoured the mound of brownies, I was a mom.
How I wish I could tell you that I was filled with joy when the home pregnancy test confirmed the reason for my bouts of nausea. I was confused. I was scared. I was alone. My husband was in basic training nine hours from home for the next three months, not that it made a difference. I felt alone even when he was home.
My plans for life did not include having children. I believed I would not be a good mom. I was deeply ashamed of my past. And my marriage teetered on a fault-line of seismic dysfunction.
Why did God to allow me to become a mom? Why did He ignore my precautions and my circumstances?
Why do I share this part of my life with you?
Because I know what it’s like to be a mom in the hard – seemingly impossible – places of life. I also know how God used my unexpected pregnancy to turn my feet onto a path I was determined to avoid. Maybe your story sounds much like mine.
I recently read a passage of Scripture, which resurrected this story from my past. Hagar was an expectant mom who faced impossible living conditions. You can read her backstory in Genesis 16. It was verse 13 that caught my attention:
“Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, — ‘Have I also here seen Him who sees me?’”
From where I sit while writing this post, I see photos spanning over 30 years since the day God changed my life’s course. I see images of my sons from boyhood to grown men. I see our daughter-in-love and amazing granddaughter. I see smiles. I see a life I never imagined and would have surely missed had it not been for the God Who Sees. I am grateful that He helped me trust Him with what only He could see so long ago.
I receive lots of compliments on the photo collage displayed on my living room wall so far as home décor is concerned. But it is much more than home décor. In the middle of all those photos is the word Family. It is both a testimony and a reminder of the God Who Sees seeing and meeting me.
Hagar was right, you know.
God does see. He sees all.
He saw me.
He sees you.
Your now is not all there is.
God knows what lies ahead. He assuredly has a purpose for you that reaches far beyond what you can possibly see. I am a living testimony to that fact!
Trust in His perfect vision and see what God will do.
in the Quiver
in the Quiver 
Wonderful post ma’am. I sometimes wonder, “While I know God always sees me, is He always pleased with what He sees?” I use this not to prosecute myself, but to remind myself that I will one day have to answer for everything I’ve done since being saved. I pray, through God’s grace, that I wipe the slate clean each day so none of my many transgressions each day will be remembered. I pray I will not have to stand before my Lord, ashamed of my lack of good works in His name. Not for my accolades, but His glory. God’s blessings ma’am.
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I hear the echoes of my own prayers in the words of your prayer, J.D. Well said from a heart seeking to glorify God and take Him at His Word. When we consider our past transgressions in the light of God’s eternal presence, we discover hope and help to move forward for His glory. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
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Charla, thank you for sharing your beautiful story. It’s a good reminder that we serve the God who sees, the God whose lovingkindness flows to us.
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Thank you for sharing, Jeannie. Oh, the magnitude and intimacy of His lovingkindness in the midst of what He sees. I am grateful we get to serve Him together.
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Charla, Your story has grace woven all throughout. Thank you for sharing.
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Sylvia, thank you for your encouraging words. Praise God for His grace in our lives.
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I resonate with this post more than you could ever know, Charla. Oh, the beauty God can bring from ashes! I will praise Him forever.
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Amen, sister. Amen. As only He Who Sees All can do. Praising Him with you, my friend. Thank you for joining us!
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Thank you for this beautiful post, Charla. Oh, the comfort of knowing that even in our isolation, our Abba Father sees and knows. And He uses our journeys to glorify His precious Name.
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Truth, Leigh Ann. He sees. He knows. He cares. He comforts. Praise God for teaching us what true love is.
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Wow, Charla! What a powerful post! Thank you!
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Thank you, Shelley! He is the Almighty 🙂
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I was very moved by your story Charla. You honesty and lovely phrasing makes the story and it’s meaning all the more clear that God loves us no matter what we may think and God sees all and knows what He plans for us. God’s love and mercy will always be with us. Thank you!
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Bless you, Mary. Thank you for taking the time to share such truthful words about our Father. I am grateful for His love, mercy, and faithfulness for sure. Praise Him for His sweet ways of speaking into our circumstances.
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I am grateful for my Lord cause he saw me for who I was . I was a lost young man on a course to tolly doom. My wife spoke total truth in her post and was the grace of God that kept us together all these years. The Lord had a plan for both us and he finish what he starts. Our marriage and our relationship is truly a miracle. Our testimony and scripture is what God wants us to share with believers and people who don’t know JESUS CHRIST . God truly sees what we can’t. Thank you for your post Charla.
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Thank you for loving Jesus more than me and loving me like I never thought possible. See what God is doing? He is using you to foster hope in others through Jesus OUR LORD. Wow.
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Oh the depth of that verse.
The word pictures painted from your canvas of life truly help reveal how God sees us and knows us better than we know ourselves and with just a few words He can transform a persons life thousand’s of years ago and still today. Thanks for sharing what God has done in your life.
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Our Father is A-Mazing! You have walked a few years with us at this point, my friend. God used you in many ways to help me heal and find my voice in Him. I appreciate your encouragement in every area of my life. I am grateful for the way God joined our lives on this earthly journey.
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Charla, your words inspire hope in the midst of what sometimes seems impossible. No experience in our lives is wasted, and I am so humbled and grateful that God sees me.
Praise God for His Word and for you! Your friendship has most definitely been a blessing in my life.
Thank you so much for being a willing vessel for His use.
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Ellen 🙂 So nice to see you here, my friend. As always, praising God with you AND for you. Thank you for pouring into my life as well.
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